Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
