I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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