totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
