If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
