Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
