Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Houston, we have a squirter
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
