We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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