Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
