Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
