The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
