Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
