I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
