no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
