is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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