what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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