last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
