i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
