I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
