My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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