just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
