Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
