I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
