Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
