how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Soap is not a condiment
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
