i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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