I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
