Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
