Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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