then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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