One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
