You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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