I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
