I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize