that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
