The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize