So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
