She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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