I love black thongs
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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