Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
