his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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