Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
