I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
