i permit you to call me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
