My liver just broke up with me...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
