If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
and you fell through a lawn chair
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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