She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
