My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
