He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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