You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
