Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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