we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
