pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
