I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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