just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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