I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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