Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
