i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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