Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
