Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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