and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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