He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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