I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
