my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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