Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
