I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
